New Journey

Well, today I am 10 weeks pregnant. This is my first announcement to the world. . .It has already been a journey from the day I had a positive pregnancy test. Basically, awhile back I felt that God was speaking that I would be pregnant around September 21. I had stopped breastfeeding Anna, and we weren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy, because we had learned that when God wants you to have a baby, you will have a baby! We were also kind of resting in the fact that I wouldn't be pregnant for a little while. I was starting to enjoy having a 1 year old that was a lot easier to take care of and beginning to focus on all of the things I had put off for a year! I awoke from a dream January 26, and the words "you are pregnant" were in my mind. I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative, but the next day I just couldn't shake those words. On January 28, I jumped out of bed and knew I had to take another test-- it was positive this time. I was in shock for awhile, especially not knowing if God had really meant that instead of getting pregnant September 21, I would deliver September 21, or was He telling me that date, because I might lose this baby and to give me hope, not to mention the huge question of "was this pregnancy the twins that had been promised?" As you can tell, my mind was racing! Thankfully I had begun a Bible study called One in a Million, by Priscilla Shirer, and I learned a lot about how many of the Israelites didn't enter into the Promised Land because they were fearful or too content where they were, even though this was God's promise to them! To think what they missed! This helped me overcome fear of being able to handle twins, if it was indeed twins, and gave me the courage to go ahead with this journey, even if it meant losing another baby. We just had our first appointment almost 2 weeks ago--by the time I got to the appointment, I was willing to believe that these were the twins, but I also felt that I hadn't heard clearly from God if it was to be this pregnancy. When we had Anna, I always assumed it would be our next full-term pregnancy, but now that I am pregnant I just didn't know what to believe. One of the lessons before my appointment ended with the statement "live your life as if God has already performed a miracle," so I rested in that. Either way, He had performed a miracle with Anna, and I was going to believe that this time the twins were possible. We only saw one baby on the blurry ultrasound, so now I still wrestle with believing that I heard God 2 years ago--do I keep believing for this pregnancy or keep waiting for my "Promised Land" just as the Israelites wandered in the desert as God molded their character?
This "uneventful" pregnancy (so far) has been strange for me after all of the drama that happened with Anna (being told I would miscarry), but I am still holding up a guard until 14 weeks. Of course with each appointment I will still be nervous, but having Anna makes it seem a lot easier to bear heartache again, if that is in our journey. I do long for that day when I can announce to the world "it's twins!" although I know I will have to depend on God's grace to care for them along with Anna! I still believe it's possible with this pregnancy, but the timing is up to God! My next appointment is a week from today, so we will see what's in store.