On August 11, I found the sermon notes from Nehemiah remembering that he surveyed the land, prayed and fasted before acting on rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. This was a big task, because he needed favor from the king for time away as well as help with building materials. Finding these notes reminded me that after we had heard this sermon, we both had fasted from something, and then I had seen the street sign "Brentwood." That night my reading in my One Year Bible was Nehemiah. I knew if I wanted to hear the next thing God wanted to say (or get closer to God), I needed to give up Coke this week. (Some of you may feel like this is a small sacrifice, but I like a fountain Coke better than food sometimes :)
The next day was Sunday, so my heart was expectant for anything--would something in a song or verse speak to us? A lady next to me turned to me and said "God has something to say to you this week--pay attention when you're reading scriptures or what other people tell you--God has something to say." I was speechless. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. She had no idea of the decision we had made the night before to do a partial fast in order to hear from God again. I said "I believe it!" In my journal on August 12 I wrote, "I don't know what He's going to speak about--where we'll live, the job, the twins, etc. but I am ready, and I am so encouraged!"
Following that Sunday, every meeting Scott had was completely negative. Not only did it seem there was no hope of the decision being reversed, the attitude toward his clinic was very negative, and his time on call was busier than ever, including having to spend the night at the hospital. He was worn out. Was God showing us that the administration was not supportive of the clinic and it was time to move on? Since we had checked out Northwest Arkansas while we were visiting family to see if we could see ourselves living there, my thought was we should check out the Nashville area to see if it was even possible that we would want to live there before even pursuing a job opportunity. I knew Scott did not have the time to be looking for a job. Yes, my brother lives there, but I was not really familiar with the Brentwood/Franklin area. We didn't get a clear cut sign that week, just a series of events that were so frustrating it was obvious that his job was not going to improve here. It was heartbreaking. His clinic was going so well, and they were all on board to make it a great clinic, but their hands were tied in certain areas, and the call demands were hurting our family. I also had a dream that a baby was delivered too young at the hospital (there is no NICU there) and the baby ended up dying and a particular hospital administrator tried to blame Scott for it. (Even though it would have been the OBs fault for choosing to deliver when there is a hospital just minutes away with a NICU). Once the baby is out, the responsibility is on the pediatrician. I was amused by this dream, because this administrator rarely talks to Scott, and I was surprised that it wasn't about someone else more involved with his clinic. When I awoke, I definitely felt a clear warning from the dream that Scott should be careful--in the dream this administrator was deceptive and making Scott take the blame for many problems. I also felt a little nervous, because the reality of this scenario was all too plausible.
I believed it was okay to go look at the Nashville area just for the sake of surveying the area. I longed to just see if we could even see ourselves there before pursuing a job. Scott felt reluctant to go unless he had some interviews or contacts. But by the end of this exhausting week, he was asking me to buy plane tickets. Within 1-2 weeks, Scott had networked with several pediatricians there and was just astounded at the collegiality of all of the practices working together. Most of the clinics are private practices, and even though they compete against each other for business, they work together for the good of children in the community. By the time we reached Franklin/Brentwood, he had 2 informal interviews lined up. We were amazed at how quickly things had come together, especially not realizing that most of the time they hire residents coming out of Vanderbilt, and they make their decisions by November. We were there at the right time but couldn't have planned it that way without God's help.
Scott never dreams. One night he had asked God to give him a dream or a vision. He awoke at 1:00am and 2:00am, and heard the chorus from the Rhett Walker Band (although he didn't know that at the time). "In one moment everything changed. Who I was got washed away, when mercy found me." One of his informal interviews was with a clinic named, Mercy, so we began to wonder again, was this literally telling him the name of the clinic or was God promising, that in one moment He would make all things new and provide a job where Scott could use his gifts as a doctor and with administration?
It just so happened that the women's ministry was starting the study Nehemiah by Kelly Minter. I knew I had to be a part of that study since Nehemiah was such a theme in my life during this time. My first week or two there I was feeling so sad, because this was comfortable. Just the thought of starting over in a new church with new Bible study groups made me not want to leave. On top of that, the husband of the clinic's receptionist was telling me how much she loved working with Scott, and it just killed me on the inside, because all of these people and friends had no idea of the turmoil we were in. I wrote in my journal on September 15, "Honestly, I still don't want to leave, but I don't know what choice we have. If God wants us to stay, I think that will become really clear. I suppose after this trip we will know if God is calling us there to Brentwood/Franklin." The night before, we heard Rick Warren speak, and he said so many thought provoking things. I had felt like an emotional mess, because I was crying just imagining all of the people we would say good-bye to or friends we would feel we were letting down (since they were patients of Scott's). After hearing Rick Warren's talk, I felt so much more at peace. The past couple of years, the theme of the Israelites wandering in the desert has been so prevalent in our lives. Rick used Moses and his time in the wilderness to illustrate many of his points, and it just hit home and gave me peace. One main point was that when God asked Moses to throw down his staff--which was his identity, his finances and job--it became alive, a snake. And when God told him to pick it back up, it became a stick again. This spoke powerfully to Scott and me about throwing out his identity/job/finances to God, and seeing God make it alive. As soon as Moses/we pick it back up in our own hands, it becomes a lifeless stick again. Then later, that staff was the Rod of God in which all of the miracles were performed. Moses obeyed God, surrendered his identity/finances to God, and God did amazing things with that staff. Rick Warren challenged everyone with giving God your resources and influence to use however God would have you to. I felt peaceful and uplifted about whatever God had in store for us as long as we were willing to surrender to His plans and give Him our ambitions.
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