May 4

(I started writing this May 4 but am just now able to finish) I was looking back at my old entries for a different reason, and I came upon the post where I wrote that I had a positive pregnancy test for Anna--May 4. It was neat to read that again and see what God had done. A little over 4 months since we had lost Grace, I was pregnant again. Those who are joining from the misdiagnosed miscarriage website--this is where that story starts. I went to my doctor's appointment at 6.5 weeks, and she said my hormone levels confirmed I was 6.5 weeks along but that I was showing 4.5 weeks. I would miscarry probably that weekend, because I should have been able to see the little tubes beating. (I remember seeing and hearing Grace's little heartbeat at this stage). I chose to miscarry "naturally" instead of a pill or D&C, because I just couldn't get over the fact that I felt God had promised this baby, and I didn't want to stand in the way of anything He might want to do. You'll have to read the rest of the story, but those next few weeks were very difficult believing, and every twinge I wondered if I was miscarrying, but the ultrasound before the D&C showed a perfectly formed baby with a beating heart--it was almost like she was screaming "I'm alive in here!" I remember struggling with "why would God give me this miracle and not someone else who has been waiting years for a baby and many miscarriages." My friend then told me that sometimes God uses certain stories to increase others' faith. Interestingly, that same friend just delivered her miracle baby in February after waiting 9+ years!  I just read a post from a mom I have mentioned whose 6 year old is battling cancer. He just received news that the tumor is gone. Around Easter I mentioned his story, because of the divine appointment of someone praying for healing in Clayton's ear. Well, it has happened, and his mother is going through the same thankfulness of what God has done but also the sorrow over others who are begging God for the same healing but don't receive it. God is capable. God is our healer. I don't know why some are healed and some are not. We are called to trust and ask Him. I can't explain the rest. When it does happen, it's amazing! http://claytonwins.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html