Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Dixie: Wake-up call.

I am touched by a tragedy that happened in our city.  As I am writing this, a funeral service is beginning for a young lady named, Dixie.  A couple from our church started a ministry to strippers and help those who want to get out of the industry.  It's called, Jesus Said Love.  www.jesussaidlove.com   Emily has been mentoring Dixie for about 3 years, and last week, she decided she wanted to follow Jesus--meaning put her faith in Jesus, believe that he died for our sins, rose again on the third day, and that because He came to earth, He provided a way for us to spend eternal life in Heaven.  This also means that once you put your faith in Him, He restores you, changes you and you have a helper and friend in your time of need.  (read my blog for examples of this) That same day, her boyfriend decided to put his faith in Jesus and they got engaged.  Sunday, they were going to be baptized at our church, but instead, Dixie is in Heaven, due to a motorcycle accident that happened Thursday.  We know she is in Heaven, because it says in the Bible that "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Rom 3:23) and "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 6:23)  "Believe on the Lord, Jesus, Christ, and you will be saved."  (Acts 16:31) And the verse most people have heard "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16
God worked in her life for 3 years through Emily, and because she chose to give her life to Him, we know where she is today.  What a tragedy that so many people don't want to think about these things, and they, too, are taken away in an accident.  I do believe there is a loving God, and I do believe that Jesus lived here on this earth to take away the sins of the world so that we could have relationship with Him, and I do believe that Heaven is real, and that Hell is real.  Please take a moment to think about these things--do you know what you believe and why?  If this happened to you, what do you think happens to your soul?  Feel free to ask me or others questions.  Don't wait until it is too late.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Shattered Dreams

I have been wanting to write about this for awhile, but I finally have some peace and quiet to sit down and write.  :)  Losing a job is like having a miscarriage.  It brings up some of the same feelings--the plans that you had for the future suddenly in a matter of just a few words change.  We accepted the job 3.5 years ago, planning that Scott would raise a generation of kids through his practice and he was committed to making this clinic the best in town.  We bought a house that we could stay in for 20 years and raise our family in.  Then he was told they would not renew his contract--simple as that (well not really).  He went from being told he was the face of the hospital a few months before to buh-bye.  The irony is that the person who threatened to quit if they didn't get rid of Scott was simultaneously asking to be hired across town.  So, it was difficult to feel that your loyalty and commitment to the system did not matter in this situation, and it was hard to watch your husband be painted a certain way when he had the patients, staff, and what was best for the clinic weighing heavily on his heart.  God has allowed some of the truth to come out in different ways, but it's hard to not want justice and the whole world to know what had happened the previous year. There are so many sides to the situation that made it very difficult, but in the moment you feel the feelings of shock and all of the dreams I had about raising our girls and more in our house began to shatter.  We didn't know if it would work out to stay in town or if we would have to move, but in a moment all of those plans disappeared. You wake up one morning dreaming about Christmas with the girls in this house to the next morning having no idea if you'll have to pack it all up (and I had thrown away every box, because we thought we would probably never move again).   The more I looked around the house and neighborhood and thought about all of the things I was looking forward to, the more sad I got about the prospect of leaving, and the more angry I got about the fact that deception and lies were at the root of us having to rip up our life and move.  I had just gotten to the point where I felt like our life was peaceful and there was nothing major we had to work through.  Although, I did get a sense that God kept speaking "don't get too comfortable"  I kept wondering if He was going to call us to a mission field or maybe just reminding us to keep it all in perspective, but I did want to enjoy the time we were having.  But, just like with pregnancy--one day you are dreaming about what it will be like to finally have him/her, and then the next morning you wake up to find out that the dream is gone.

It took 4 months for us to figure out what we were going to do--which I understand isn't very long in the job world, but it was amazing to me how many feelings resurrected in me from when we lost Grace.  Maybe the uncertainty (In the moment I didn't know when we would be able to have another baby) and certainly the shattered dreams part--we had so looked forward to having a baby alongside our church family in Germany, but of course, looking back, we don't really think about it anymore.  Scott struggled with many feelings of "does God really care about me?"  "Does He really care about what job I have?"  Of course, Yes!  Yes!  YES!  I know while I was grieving over losing Grace I felt God loving me, and I hoped that Scott would feel the same as he was grieving this situation.  Thankfully God provided a lot of encouragement from our community that they loved him, and other colleagues gave him their support.  This helped tremendously!  And I do believe that God picked him up out of a difficult situation and put him in a better place.  (It's hard to be convinced of that when you're in the middle of the situation, but I know he is grateful for his new colleagues and an environment that is much more positive!).  During this time, I started reading the book Shattered Dreams, by Larry Crabb, and I highly recommend it for many situations.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Long Time No See. . .



Well, It's been awhile since I've written, but I felt like I needed to start writing again. I'll catch up on the basics, and then tomorrow I can write what's been on my heart. Elizabeth Brooke was born October 6, 2010 (can't believe she will be 1 soon!) As you can tell with the lack of posts, I have been busy adjusting to 2 children. Wow--most of the time I feel like I can't think straight, because I'm tending to one or the other of the girls, so I feel like I say things I might ordinarily have a filter for :) So, sorry if I've offended anyone or said anything weird the past year or two (while I had pregnancy brain). Hopefully now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I will think better. The first 2 months of Elizabeth's life, she screamed all night unless she was being held. This meant both grandmothers sharing shifts with me so that I could sleep in bed some hours and hold E in the morning hours while they slept in bed to be ready for caring for Anna. Then we moved through the terrible two's, learning how to deal with tantrums and screaming from a 2-year-old, and then on to potty training, and now that Anna is 3 months shy of turning 3, she is successfully potty trained and in the last couple of weeks has shown some maturity. Needless to say, my sweet child is back (most of the time :) Now that Anna is more manageable, Elizabeth has started the phase of tearing up the house and getting into things. sigh. I know this will all pass quickly, but these are tiring times :) Although, I am so excited to watch them grow together, and I constantly daydream about how the girls will play together in the future. We pray that they will be close friends.

God continues to bring women into my life who have suffered miscarriages, stillbirths, or early infant losses. I know He has given me a sensitive heart for all of you out there, because He loves you. Many women have already gotten pregnant again, so that is exciting! If any of you out there are reading this and have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant loss, I would love to hear about something that really encouraged you during this time--either a verse someone shared, a song, a book, poem, picture, etc. that either someone said to you or you discovered on your own and it comforted you. I always like to know these things so I can pass them along to other women. Please leave it as a comment for all to read (but if you're not comfortable, feel free to e-mail).

Some of you who are new to my blog and read it from the beginning may think some things sound pretty crazy (about me believing that God was telling me we'd have twins) Obviously, we do not have twins yet--although I think God was faithful to "bless us double for our woes" by sending us 2 precious girls after Grace. I still have my heart open to the fact that God could still give us boy twins in the future, and I also understand that we can believe God for miracles that sometimes don't work out like we think He is saying. Others of you might be thinking "what in the world does she mean "God is saying." What kind of a person "hears God?" Well, it's simple. Everyday people like me, like YOU. Why else did God choose to announce Jesus' birth to the shepherds in the fields?

If you seriously want to know that God is there, just say a prayer aloud or in your head--"God, are you there?" and He will respond. It might be through picking up your Bible and reading it (and these days this could be on an iPhone :), or it might be a song or something a person says to you, but you will know that God hears you. And I pray that you feel His love for you. God is real, and He cares about the details of your life. I can tell you this from my experience along with many others who have been suffering around me and yet in the midst of their suffering, they can tell you without a doubt, they feel that God is real, and that He loves them based on how they sense Him so personally. Some of you might feel a little angry that you don't feel like God has been there for you. I promise you, that He loves you enough that He has burdened someone's heart for you--and this person hurts for you, whatever you are going through. (I know this from experience). Ask a Christian friend or ask me if you have questions about all of this--don't be shy!

Check back soon for more posts about what all has been spinning around in my head :) And don't forget to let me know of something that has encouraged you through miscarriage/infant loss, etc.