Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Surveying the land. . .

Before we made our trip to Nashville to survey the land to see if we could even see ourselves there, I fasted breakfast and lunch.  My prayer was that God would open doors wherever we were supposed to be--Waco, Fort Worth, Northwest Arkansas, or Nashville.  I was praying specifically for clear guidance and direction over our weekend there as we drove around Brentwood and Franklin and met with various people.  Scott fell in love with the rolling hills, trees and winding creeks and truly was impressed by the clinics we saw and the people we met.  The medical community is something special there, and he longed to be a part of a community like that.  Sometime in October we heard that the clinic we had informally met with had chosen to hire a resident, so we still weren't sure where we were to be.  I still was pondering Rick Warren's talk, and kept thinking about "what God has you lay down (my love and desire for Waco) He only has something better for you to pick up."  Sometimes I wondered if Waco was like my "Egypt."  When God had led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and opened the Red Sea for them to escape and wander in the wilderness, He provided food and water and clothes for them that never ran out.  But, they started complaining about what they missed in Egypt--how soon they forgot how miserable they were as slaves.  Of course, we are not miserable in Waco, but the job is taking its toll on our family, and I kept thinking of things I did not want to leave behind.  I didn't want to be holding onto the dreams for my life in Waco that I thought were permanent (Baylor events/sports, our house, where we live, our church) only to miss something better.  On October 31, I wrote "Lord, you know where you want us to live, where you want us to go to church, where you want the girls to go to school.  Lord, help us as we get from now until we are going wherever we are going.  There is a group on the north side of Nashville that is interested in him--it seems like a good opportunity.  We just pray that you will make it a smooth transition if that is where you want him."
A private practice on the north side of Nashville saw Scott's CV and called him.  He talked with them a couple of times and was pretty impressed with what they were doing.  It was a little foreign to us, because we had only looked at the south side of Nashville (Brentwood/Franklin). I started googling the area to see what it might be like.  I looked up houses and saw one that was decorated almost exactly like our house and seemed affordable compared to houses on the south side.  I told Scott if he decided he wanted to interview with them I would be willing to consider it.  With the demands of his call schedule, he told them it would be sometime in January when we could make it out there.  Or if they flew him out there, he could come the next weekend (out on Sat. morning, and fly back Sun night, because he had patients scheduled Fri and Mon).  All this time we had to keep this all secret, because we didn't want to cause panic with his patients that we might be leaving (especially when we weren't certain what was in store).  Since he was under a contract with the hospital, we felt it would be unwise to let anyone know our thoughts until he actually had a signed contract--whether we were staying in Waco or not.
This clinic agreed to fly us out the next week.  The Wednesday before we left, Scott got called into another meeting that was not positive.  I was so thankful for God's mercy for providing the interview that following weekend.  It gave us hope that he did not have to stay in this situation in which it was becoming clear his call demands were not going to change.  I believed Scott hearing the song about mercy might just be foretelling God's character in this situation.  Scott was able to sit through the 2 hour meeting graciously, because he know of an opportunity ahead. Thank you, Lord!  Stick with me on some of this background--God gives us an amazing sign during the interview that I can't wait to share!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Second Sign

On August 11, I found the sermon notes from Nehemiah remembering that he surveyed the land, prayed and fasted before acting on rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem.  This was a big task, because he needed favor from the king for time away as well as help with building materials.  Finding these notes reminded me that after we had heard this sermon, we both had fasted from something, and then I had seen the street sign "Brentwood."  That night my reading in my One Year Bible was Nehemiah.  I knew if I wanted to hear the next thing God wanted to say (or get closer to God), I needed to give up Coke this week.  (Some of you may feel like this is a small sacrifice, but I like a fountain Coke better than food sometimes :)
The next day was Sunday, so my heart was expectant for anything--would something in a song or verse speak to us?  A lady next to me turned to me and said "God has something to say to you this week--pay attention when you're reading scriptures or what other people tell you--God has something to say."  I was speechless.  This is the first time this has ever happened to me.  She had no idea of the decision we had made the night before to do a partial fast in order to hear from God again.  I said "I believe it!"  In my journal on August 12 I wrote, "I don't know what He's going to speak about--where we'll live, the job, the twins, etc. but I am ready, and I am so encouraged!"
Following that Sunday, every meeting Scott had was completely negative.  Not only did it seem there was no hope of the decision being reversed, the attitude toward his clinic was very negative, and his time on call was busier than ever, including having to spend the night at the hospital.  He was worn out.  Was God showing us that the administration was not supportive of the clinic and it was time to move on?  Since we had checked out Northwest Arkansas while we were visiting family to see if we could see ourselves living there, my thought was we should check out the Nashville area to see if it was even possible that we would want to live there before even pursuing a job opportunity.  I knew Scott did not have the time to be looking for a job.  Yes, my brother lives there, but I was not really familiar with the Brentwood/Franklin area.  We didn't get a clear cut sign that week, just a series of events that were so frustrating it was obvious that his job was not going to improve here.  It was heartbreaking.  His clinic was going so well, and they were all on board to make it a great clinic, but their hands were tied in certain areas, and the call demands were hurting our family.  I also had a dream that a baby was delivered too young at the hospital (there is no NICU there) and the baby ended up dying and a particular hospital administrator tried to blame Scott for it.  (Even though it would have been the OBs fault for choosing to deliver when there is a hospital just minutes away with a NICU).  Once the baby is out, the responsibility is on the pediatrician.  I was amused by this dream, because this administrator rarely talks to Scott, and I was surprised that it wasn't about someone else more involved with his clinic.  When I awoke, I definitely felt a clear warning from the dream that Scott should be careful--in the dream this administrator was deceptive and making Scott take the blame for many problems.  I also felt a little nervous, because the reality of this scenario was all too plausible.
I believed it was okay to go look at the Nashville area just for the sake of surveying the area.  I longed to just see if we could even see ourselves there before pursuing a job.  Scott felt reluctant to go unless he had some interviews or contacts.  But by the end of this exhausting week, he was asking me to buy plane tickets.  Within 1-2 weeks, Scott had networked with several pediatricians there and was just astounded at the collegiality of all of the practices working together.  Most of the clinics are private practices, and even though they compete against each other for business, they work together for the good of children in the community.  By the time we reached Franklin/Brentwood, he had 2 informal interviews lined up.  We were amazed at how quickly things had come together, especially not realizing that most of the time they hire residents coming out of Vanderbilt, and they make their decisions by November.  We were there at the right time but couldn't have planned it that way without God's help. 
Scott never dreams.  One night he had asked God to give him a dream or a vision.  He awoke at 1:00am and 2:00am, and heard the chorus from the Rhett Walker Band (although he didn't know that at the time).  "In one moment everything changed.  Who I was got washed away, when mercy found me."  One of his informal interviews was with a clinic named, Mercy, so we began to wonder again, was this literally telling him the name of the clinic or was God promising, that in one moment He would make all things new and provide a job where Scott could use his gifts as a doctor and with administration?
It just so happened that the women's ministry was starting the study Nehemiah by Kelly Minter.  I knew I had to be a part of that study since Nehemiah was such a theme in my life during this time.  My first week or two there I was feeling so sad, because this was comfortable.  Just the thought of starting over in a new church with new Bible study groups made me not want to leave.  On top of that, the husband of the clinic's receptionist was telling me how much she loved working with Scott, and it just killed me on the inside, because all of these people and friends had no idea of the turmoil we were in.  I wrote in my journal on September 15, "Honestly, I still don't want to leave, but I don't know what choice we have.  If God wants us to stay, I think that will become really clear.  I suppose after this trip we will know if God is calling us there to Brentwood/Franklin."  The night before, we heard Rick Warren speak, and he said so many thought provoking things.  I had felt like an emotional mess, because I was crying just imagining all of the people we would say good-bye to or friends we would feel we were letting down (since they were patients of Scott's).  After hearing Rick Warren's talk, I felt so much more at peace.  The past couple of years, the theme of the Israelites wandering in the desert has been so prevalent in our lives.  Rick used Moses and his time in the wilderness to illustrate many of his points, and it just hit home and gave me peace.  One main point was that when God asked Moses to throw down his staff--which was his identity, his finances and job--it became alive, a snake.  And when God told him to pick it back up, it became a stick again.  This spoke powerfully to Scott and me about throwing out his identity/job/finances to God, and seeing God make it alive.  As soon as Moses/we pick it back up in our own hands, it becomes a lifeless stick again.  Then later, that staff was the Rod of God in which all of the miracles were performed.  Moses obeyed God, surrendered his identity/finances to God, and God did amazing things with that staff.  Rick Warren challenged everyone with giving God your resources and influence to use however God would have you to.  I felt peaceful and uplifted about whatever God had in store for us as long as we were willing to surrender to His plans and give Him our ambitions.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

The First Sign

Folks, sorry it has been so long!  We have bought and sold a house since I last wrote, so it has been busy here!  As I mentioned in the last post, God made it pretty clear we were supposed to ask for a sign.  We prayed and asked Him to give us a sign and that we would be open to seeing it.  We did not know when or how it would come--would it literally be written words or would it be something else?--we didn't know what we were looking for, but we had peace that God would show us a sign when He was ready.  In July my heart wanted it to work so badly here in Waco.  I didn't want to leave Baylor, our church, our friends, or the girls' friends and preschool.  I didn't want to give up the dream of our kids going to elementary school with our friends' kids.  All I knew was that I was willing to move if it meant Scott would be home more and when he was home, he'd have the chance to be involved.  I also knew that Northwest Arkansas had been piquing my curiosity, because I had been following a couple blog friends up there, and I longed to live somewhere with the four seasons like we had in Germany.  It made me so homesick for our life there--the seasons and being able to walk to restaurants, etc.  Somehow I had stumbled on a blog of a family moving from Houston, TX to Franklin, TN.  As I read her story (you can begin it here) I thought, I need to talk to her.  Her husband is a physician as well, and I wanted to hear how they knew God was leading them to go when his practice was going so well.  And once they made that decision to go, how were they able to detach from patients who love him so much?  At Scott's medical school reunion the previous summer, we had met up with 2 friends who had relocated to Franklin, and they had begged us to come out there and check it out.  We kind of put it on the back burner, but then when I started reading about the rolling hills, the 4 seasons, and the historic downtown, I started to wonder if this might be the place for us.  I googled pediatric clinics in Franklin, and Brentwood Children's Clinic appeared first.  I started reading about the physicians and started thinking--Scott would love being in a partnership like this.  Don't get me wrong, he loves his current colleagues, but they are not in control of their clinic; they work ultimately for the hospital.  We also knew people in Northwest Arkansas that have a great private practice there, and with his sister and some close friends just moving there, we were wondering if that was where we were to go.  As I said, at the same time, my heart longed for things to work out in Waco, but we weren't seeing a solution. 
Somewhere later in July, we heard a sermon on Nehemiah and how he fasted and prayed and surveyed the land before he did anything to start rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem.  I decided to give up Coke that week (I love a fountain Coke, and most afternoons I enjoy a Coke at home :) ) One particular day I was very emotionally overwhelmed--things were so hard, and I knew if we were supposed to stay, I would jump in and continuously pray for a miracle for his job demands to change, the hospital's decision to change or some other opportunity that we didn't know about yet.  If we were to go, I wanted to be able to mentally prepare and then let God begin to show us where.  I knew that would be just as big of a miracle--the timing would have to be just right for a clinic to need another pediatrician and for them to choose Scott.  A lot of really good clinics don't use a recruiter, so it's often difficult to find out about positions available.  I knew if we were to go, God would drop an opportunity in our laps like He had done so many other times when I needed a job.
One day I was driving the girls to preschool and just in tears crying out to God--"God please show us.  Are we to stay in Waco or are we to go?"  It was getting overwhelming to plug our lives in here not knowing if it was to work out for us to stay, and it was hard to live a double life.  I looked up, and the street sign said "Brentwood."  I couldn't believe my eyes, and I kind of laughed it off thinking "really God? you're going to show me a literal street sign?"  then the next street said "Brentwood" as if God was proving His point to me.  Apparently the street curves around so the street sign is "Brentwood" 2 streets in a row.  I promise you I have driven by these signs for a year and never noticed them.  When I picked up the girls later that day, I looked for the signs, and they were not easy to see.  I called Nicole and told her about my experience with asking for a sign, literally seeing a sign, and that I would catalogue this away as the first sign.  I didn't know if this meant we were to live in Brentwood (a suburb of Nashville in between Nashville and Franklin) or if Scott would in fact get a job at the Brentwood Children's Clinic or if it just meant "not Waco."  But it seemed to be my first clue that we were not staying.
the Brentwood sign on the left under the tree