Friday, April 4, 2014

April 14, 2014

I have to be honest.  I want to be pregnant one more time.  It just seems right.  Use everything one last time and then be ready to get rid of it.  After a visit to my new OB/GYN last month, I walked away feeling a little nervous, because I am 37.  I am still on birth control, and it did become clear that I should really consider getting pregnant soon or maybe we should go the adoption/foster baby route.  All of these things were spinning around in my head, and I kept praying that God would speak to Scott about what we should do.
On the outside it would appear that I can barely keep it all together with two kids, so how could we even possibly think of adding more?  But as a lot of moms know (who have more than 2), it's still chaotic, whether you add another one or two.  With God's help, I would be able to make it.  Plus, the girls are at an age that I believe having another one would actually be good for them (and I think they would enjoy it).  Anna keeps saying that she wants me to have 2 boys and 1 more girl (she has been saying this since she could talk).  She doesn't know that her pregnancy I was believing God for boy twins (because I thought that is what He had promised to me).  She knows about baby Grace dying in my womb before her, but I don't know if baby Grace counts or if she is hoping for another little girl in our family ;)  (you can read that whole story by going to the part of my blog from 2008.)
I don't know how to explain it, but after we lost baby Grace, it seemed like God was speaking I would become pregnant April 14 with boy twins (I even had names for them).  I showed up at Bible Study on April 14, and a lady asked me if I was pregnant or more specifically, did I know for sure I wasn't pregnant.  I was kind of taken aback and said, "I don't know, why?"  She said that she had a book she felt like God had wanted her to give to me.  She had boy twins that were about 7 years old. The book she gave me on April 14, 2008 was The Art of Parenting Twins.  This definitely fueled my faith to believe that I did conceive and we soon found out the beginning of May that I was pregnant. Of course, we were shocked when at 21 weeks they told us we were having a girl. . .From that point forward I have always wondered about what did I really hear?  Would we still have boy twins? We are so happy with our 2 girls, and yes, God did bless us double for what we lost, but are boy twins still in the picture? The timing of her giving me the book still remained significant to me (April 14), even though that pregnancy turned out to be Anna.  For 6 years, the boy twins have been on my mind.
It seemed I sometimes hear January 21 or September 21 being significant, too.  So all of these dates I am super sensitive to whether or not I would be pregnant or if we would adopt, etc.  On September 23, 2013, I received the phone call from my brother that "Jonathan Daniel" was born.  My breath was taken away.   Jonathan was one of the names that I thought I had heard from God to name the firstborn twin boy.  I went through a tough couple of weeks trying to decipher--are we done having kids?  did I hear wrong?  would we adopt boy twins, one that would already be named Jonathan?, etc. etc.  Finally I came to peace with just waiting and resting in the Lord that He would make it loud and clear what we were supposed to do next (i.e. get off birth control, start the adoption/foster baby process, or even just start thinking of our family as complete), and I did not need to figure it out.  My sister-in-law reassured me that she knew someone who had also heard a name for a sibling's child that she thought was for her own, and maybe this is what had happened for me.  Then I started wondering if maybe by September of next year we would give birth to a boy and he and Jonathan would be really close.  Well, January 21 came and went, and I was not pregnant.  I still waited expectantly to see if Scott might have any direction.  I was feeling at peace with just waiting to see what would happen, and also knowing that if I were to get pregnant it really would have to be in the next year or two.  (I do not want to be 40 and pregnant).  Of course, I still am on birth control and we haven't had a discussion about me stopping, but I did hope and pray often that God would speak something to Scott so that we would know when.
Every April 14 I always wonder what might happen.  Nicole (my good friend and faith cheerleader, who I have mentioned before) always said, "whenever it happens (me having boy twins), it's going to be big.  God is going to make it big," just because He is orderly, magnificent, cares about us, and has a sense of humor (I think).  He always keeps his promises, too.
So, where did the date April 14 pop in my head?  I won't go into the whole story, but the Bible references "the 14th day of the first month" quite a bit when discussing Passover instructions.  When you look at your notes, the time period is described as late March or early April.  Typically it is describing Passover, or God's instructions to the Israelites regarding Passover.  It is also the same time when the Israelites left Egypt and then 40 years later when they crossed the Jordan into the Promised Land.
I have always been aware of this timing since I first started paying attention to these dates (in 2007/2008 after we lost Grace).  This is the first year that Passover actually begins at sundown on April 14.  A few weeks ago, God led me to some verses that instructed the Israelites the second year after leaving Egypt for celebrating Passover on the "14th day of the first month."  Although we love the people in Waco, we often refer to our life there as our Egypt.  We moved here mid-April last year and always thought the timing was profound.  I did a double-take, when the verses were saying "in the second year after their exodus from Egypt."  We are about to begin our second year here.  I googled the dates of Passover and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it actually fell on April 14, that the Jewish calendar actually lines up with the numbered day that is mentioned in the Bible.  This got me really wondering if this would be the year of our boy twins. In fact, if I were to get pregnant April 14, this year, they would be born 7 years after I first thought I heard the message.  God has always been orderly with numbers.  Isaac in the Bible was born on April 15, the first full day of Passover (even though they weren't celebrating Passover yet).  400 years later, as prophesied, the Israelites left Egypt on April 15. (Check it out on a Jewish website giving the history of Passover for children).  I find this orchestration fascinating and faith-filling.
Here's what doesn't make sense.  1.  I am still on birth control.  2.  Scott will be out of town on that particular day.  With God, this is what is possible.  Maybe I have conceived in spite of being on birth control and will find out on April 14, or maybe something else big will happen in our lives that day that I can't even comprehend.  Please understand I do not believe I am extra-ordinary to think or expect that I would conceive or find out on the same day as the birth of Isaac or the same day as a huge Jewish holiday.  It just happens that from 1998 to 2017, this is the only year that the first full day of Passover begins on the same day as mentioned in the Bible, and the same date that I have always held in my heart as significant.  And since Anna's birth, I have always wondered if I still had a twin pregnancy in the future.  To be honest, I would be fine with just one more ;).
The other amazing fact is that a Blood Moon is scheduled for April 15, the first full day of Passover.  The next one is scheduled for October 8, 2014, which is the beginning of the Feast of Tabernacles.  In history, when a set of four blood moons has coincided with the Jewish feasts, it has been major for Israel.  This website seems to describe it well.  I do not know what this all means, but I do feel like this year something big will happen on April 14, not only for our family, but for the world.

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