I had made it through the weekend with no miscarriage--it was definitely hard to battle every twinge of pain with resolve to believe and keeping the faith until Monday. At this point I also knew that it could take 2 more weeks before my body recognizes the baby hasn't been growing before it decides to miscarry. But, I was holding on. We decided to set my next appointment for May 30. If I had not miscarried by then, my doctor was going to schedule me for a D&C the following Monday so I could recover before we moved back to the States June 10.
From my journal. . .
"The news wasn't exactly what we were hoping for--my hormone levels are rising but not at the rate they're supposed to. I was 13,000 on Thursday and 33,000 today when it should have been in the 50,000s. She said it was showing that I had an abnormal pregnancy and would probably still miscarry. It was hard to keep the faith for a little while, but I discovered a website that was very encouraging--called the Misdiagnosed Miscarriage (www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com). [There are stories of people who were also diagnosed with blighted ovums or told they were going to miscarry who gave birth to healthy babies. Some of them do end up miscarrying, but I only needed to hear 1 story to have hope.]
I hope that God does something very clear so that by the time May 30 comes around, there is no doubt that things are fine. [I didn't want there to be a baby there that she thought looked deformed or unable to survive]. Otherwise, I don't know how I'll convince her I still want to wait things out (she was worried about me miscarrying on the long flight back). I don't want to give up yet, but I also realize the longer it drags out, the harder it will be physically and emotionally."
Ps. 116:1-19
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