More Testing. . .

May 15, 2008

We went in for the first check-up at the doctor, and she said the ultrasound looked like a 4.5 week old instead of a 6.5 week baby. She should have seen a heartbeat. She said they would run some bloodwork for the hormone levels, and if my levels were those of a 4.5 weeker, we would just assume my dates are off. She called me a couple of hours later, and my hormone levels were that of a 6.5 week old baby--and I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum--basically an empty gestational sac with no baby--the embryo had stopped growing. She said I would most likely miscarry over the weekend or I could take a pill to speed up the process; or I could just wait. Instantly, my mind thought, well if the baby has already died, (and we're assuming it would have died 2 weeks ago) then taking the pill made sense so I didn't have to wait for the miscarriage. Then, I thought "of course I'll wait it out!--in the event that God wants to do something amazing, I do not want to get in the way of Him healing this baby." I had the courage to ask if my hormone levels might be high if I'm having twins, and she said it is only a 1% chance--that was enough to give me hope, though. I also asked her if I could come back Monday to have my hormone levels checked again, so I could see if they were on their way down (showing I was about to miscarry) or where they were at.

This was all hard news to hear--I basically told people that the doctor didn't expect our baby to live, because until I started bleeding, I wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay. The reality of my faith lesson became even more real--"don't let your faith only be fueled by evidence." The scientific evidence was there on the ultrasound and hormone level, but I knew God was bigger than any of it and had the power to give life.

Nicole was incredible this day--she immediately gave me confidence that this was not over--God had promised this baby, and we weren't giving up!

From my journal. . .

"Today the doctor told us that our baby will not live so I've been through a lot of emotions. Right now, even though it's crazy, I am believing God that this pregnancy is not over.
from Nicole: Isaiah 59:21, Ps 30:6-12
Lord I pray you make science wrong. Lord You knew this appointment would happen today so I know You are not surprised. Be near oh, God. I want to hear from You. Immediately I felt like God was saying "I have spoken before" so I was reminded of the last things He had spoken to me and everything leading up to this pregnancy.
I don't want to have little faith. He has given me Ps 111 the last few days.
Ps. 112:7 "He (a righteous man) will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."
Ps 113--from the rising of the sun to the setting of it "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children."
He is not a God of broken promises.
Heb 10:23 "Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."
Ps 34: 1-10
"I prayed to the Lord and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears.". .
Lord, set me free from fears and help me to trust You each day until Monday. Anything is possible if a person believes God.
Rom 4:18 "Against all hope Abraham in hope believed. . .without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead. . .yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised."
{A verse I had forgotten about in my believing God study that has become my theme verse}

Lord, thank you for the believers You have surrounded us with to pray in faith that our baby/babies would be healed. Jesus, thank you that you hear our prayers. I just can't seem to believe that God would promise a fake pregnancy and have me give a testimony in front of church Sunday just to come back the next week and take it all back. [of course, I do not want to presume to know the mind of God, and sometimes He does things we don't understand, but I did believe He was in the business of increasing people's faith, not tearing it down.]
Lord, we cry out to you and others who are interceding for us that everything will work out. I pray it's Your will for this to be a viable pregnancy."