Aahh-the month of April. I didn't really know what to expect for myself this month--A lot of people who have lost babies really struggle when their due date is near, because they are having to start over. For me, I did think about what might have been, but I also was so full of hope, because this was the first month we were allowed to start trying again. Jamie and I found out we were pregnant at the same time, so in some ways it was a relief when she delivered early, because then I didn't have to think about her due date coming up--it just kind of hit me by surprise, and then it was already over. I also knew that other people were thinking about me and praying for me, and then sometimes you do feel like telling the world--"I was supposed to be having a baby now" but that doesn't really work into conversations. I was so looking forward to my baby shower and sharing our baby with everyone in our church that we had come to know so well and who had been so excited with us. I think I was really hoping to get pregnant before we moved just to close that chapter with our church--many of those people we might not see again. I also wanted to be able to share with everyone what I had been keeping to myself all this time, and now I am sharing with you. Of course this was how it was worked out in my mind, but I didn't know what God's plans were. I knew that He knew what was best for our church body for increasing their faith, whether I was pregnant before we moved June 10 or years later.
From my journal. . .
For some reason I sense that God is saying April 14 is significant for conception of our miracle babies, but I'm not quite sure. April 14 also came up again in my reading tonight. Something definitely is going to happen that day--whether I get pregnant or it's something about our church that will happen. My Beth Moore study I randomly did this week was about Mary possibly conceiving on April 14. It's when I am supposed to ovulate so I wondered if God was somehow using that story to communicate it to me--and then the same date came up again in another reading. It could be something larger for our church or maybe that's the date our babies will be conceived as part of how God will show His glory at our church [we'd been praying for a time of revival/refreshment at our church]. Jesus is the Redeemer of the world--He could have been conceived on April 14 at the same time that the Passover is celebrated, which is also when He was the sacrifice for mankind on the cross--this could be the date that in my own little world God redeems what we lost--redeem means to "buy back, or restore." Or it could be the date redemption and repentance begins in our church or the church at large.
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