Several times after we lost the baby I came across the verse "I will bless you double for your woes"--I'm not even sure of the reference at this minute, but it was comforting, because no matter what God was going to bless us somehow. And without me even searching for the stories, I came across readings of women in the Bible who were barren and ended up having twins. About a week before we lost the baby I had a dream that I went to our doctor to find out the sex of the baby and she told me it was twins. At the time I laughed it off, because we knew that there was only one baby in there, but the more verses I was reading, the more I began to wonder if God was trying to tell me that, yes, indeed, you went in to find out the sex of the baby and instead you will have twins.
From my journal, December 27, 2007
"Lord I want to hear from You, but it's for selfish reasons. Part of me wants to believe that You're promising me twins and the other part of me knows that I am to trust You no matter what [even if I have more miscarriages or don't get pregnant] and I can probably trust You'll at least give us another baby and why can't that be enough?
I'm starting to feel more like myself (my hormones are back to normal, and my body is almost at its pre-pregnancy state)."
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