I remember struggling during these weeks that--"why me? why would God be so good to me to promise me this, when I know there are millions of women out there waiting to be pregnant." I wanted them to get the same messages! My friend Shannon had some comforting insight--she said that after reading a book about George Mueller, she learned that God sometimes picks people to reveal these works simply because He wants to increase the faith of many people. So, I rested in that--all the while hoping and praying that God would also speak to other longing women. Maybe God would speak to them when or how to trust or maybe give them counsel if they should adopt or do something more scientific. I do pray that. . .
From my journal. . .
"Lord, I won't be disappointed with Your will, even if I find out I'm not pregnant on Wednesday. It's hard to know what to believe--what to have faith in--do I choose to believe it is this month or just wait and see what happens. Is my body holding our two boys already? I don't physically feel pregnant, but I know God said to believe even when the evidence is not there [don't let your faith only be fueled by evidence]. There are only 3 more days, but I do want to believe to the fullest if this is what God promised for this month. I want to long to be at Jesus' feet just like Pepper [our dog] is content to lie at my feet in peace."
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